cuimhinliom: (No backward glances)
[personal profile] cuimhinliom
Continued from here.

Devin had slept through Fergus' return to the room. A glance at the boy and girl curled up in the bed had made him smile a little, even though he worried, and he took the couch. He made coffee in the coffeepot in the bathroom in the morning, peeking in at the sleeping pair. The coffee woke Devin up and he actually gave Fergus a rather sweet smile of thanks and joined him on the couch. There were movies and Street Fighter, and Devin played a little music. He seemed better and Fergus breathed a sigh of relief.

When Fred hadn't woken up by mid-afternoon, Devin started fidgeting. When evening rolled around, he was near panic. Fergus checked her and tried to sooth him that she was just sleeping. He'd taken a lot from her, but not too much. She just needed to get her strength back.

"You have to get her help."

Fergus arched an eyebrow. "She's not in need of help, Devin."

"What if she is?"

After about an hour of it, even Fergus' impressive patience wore out. He carefully wrapped Fred in a blanket, picked her up, and with a worried look at Devin, took her to the Tower. He didn't want to leave Devin alone for so long, while fretting, so he put Fred in his bed and went in search of Keelia.

Keelia found herself staring at him, shocked, not fully believing what he was telling her until she saw Fred curled up, asleep.

"She really....with Devin?"

"Yes."

She blinked at her friend, then shook her head. Given her well documented inability to stay out of Sam's bed if he crooked his little finger, she really wasn't in any position to even be surprised. Sometimes they really were irresistible. And sometimes they needed you. And sometimes you needed them in ways that you couldn't tell to anyone else.

"Is she all right?"

He nodded. "They were...thorough. I need a fairly long nap after a full night in his bed. I've no idea how long she'll sleep for. But she's fine. Have the Lady check her if you want to be sure?" She nodded a little. "He's fretting. Worried for her. I need to get back to him."

"I'll stay with her." He smiled his thanks, kissed her cheek and headed out.

Keelia explained, briefly and with no details, the situation to Michael and Midir, and put them on Noah duty. She sent a message to Methos and Wes, telling them Fred was at the Tower and that she, Keelia not Fred, was having a horrible crisis that she really, really needed Fred there for. A female thing. She was fine and Keelia was so so so grateful that they were loaning her to her.

Grabbing a book, she went to Fergus' suite, and curled up to wait.

On the second day, Midir stopped by and muttered things about the Leanan Sidhe. Keelia shooed him out.

Keelia slept in the room both nights. By the third day, even she was getting a little worried, but she tried not to. She went for a run, then grabbed a shower. She checked on Fred and noted that she had a bit more color, which was encouraging. She pulled out her book again and sat in the window seat, feet tucked under her.

ooc: Fred's first comment which got accidentally deleted[/ooc]:

Light peeked into the corners of Fred's eyes, and she sighed a bit at it, trying to shoo it away. When that didn't work, she showed her displeasure at it by turning slowly in the bed to hide her face in the pillow, wishing it would just leave her alone for a while longer. There was something about the dark, and comfort, that lingered that she wasn't sure she was supposed to let go of.

She stretched and curled into a yawn, all while keeping her face hidden. That's when she finally thought. Her first concious one of the day. The pillow was soft, and fresh, and the linens smelled like ones that had been dried on a line, with sun and care. They always smelled different then, she should know. It was how they were growing up.

But they also weren't what she slept with now. There wasn't anything like that at the house, even though she'd been thinking on it more and more lately. It also wasn't what she'd fallen asleep with either...

Fallen asleep.

She'd fallen asleep. She kissed his...him. But not him, not them, and...

Fred forgot all about her argument with the light and sat straight up.
(deleted comment)

Date: 2006-06-07 05:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cuimhnigh.livejournal.com
Keelia's been watching since she first moved--her first movement since she got here. It had to be startling, waking up in a room you'd never been in before. She put her book down and moved to the bed.

"'Morning. Or, well, afternoon. But hey."

Date: 2006-06-07 05:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/
She wrapped the blanket around her tighter, and the confusion on Fred's face at seeing Keelia was plainly there.

"...what happened?"

She knew what happened.

Date: 2006-06-07 05:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cuimhnigh.livejournal.com
"Fergus brought you here to..." She flashed her a wry, if understanding, smile. "Sleep it off."

Date: 2006-06-07 05:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/
"Fergus."

Fred said his name flatly, not dismissing the merson, but trying to connect to the idea. She wasn't sure how she felt when she did. He'd been there in the...to know enough.

"I was tired." I was all she could admit to right now. Even though Fred was sure Keelia knew. If Fergus knew then Keelia knew. "But why don't I even remember being moved?"

And she couldn't wuite figure out what it was she was feeling that she'd been moved at all.

Date: 2006-06-07 05:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cuimhnigh.livejournal.com
"You were sleeping pretty soundly." Keelia's voice was gentle and she bit her lip. "Devin got...worried that you were hurt. That he'd hurt you. He figured if he had, the Lady could fix it and asked Fergus to bring you to the Tower. You weren't hurt," she hurriedly added. "Just..really tired."

Date: 2006-06-07 05:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/
Fred pushed of her hair back from her face and tried to focus on what Keelia was saying.

"He didn't hurt me," she said immediately, realizing quickly what she'd just admitted to. "Why would he think he'd hurt me? If anything he..." Her eyes met Keelia's breifly, wondering what she'd do. What she'd think of her. If she would tell --

Fred fell quiet and drew further in, thinking on all those things she'd refused to think about the night before.

Date: 2006-06-07 05:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cuimhnigh.livejournal.com
Something wasn't right here. Keelia squeezed her eyes shut for a minute. Stupid Leanan Sidhe. Stupid Sorcerer. Saw a pretty face and went for it and never told her....

Well, he likely told very few of those he took to bed, but still.

She sighed and looked at Fred. "He didn't tell you what he is, did he?"

Date: 2006-06-07 05:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/
Fred was getting more confused by the minute. He was a boy and she was a girl and they'd done the things to each other that boys and girls could do and now she was in a strange bed and had to face up to going home sooner rather than later.

There were much more compliated things, and explinations in the world, Fred knew that. But for Fred it was as simple as she'd like it, and him, and now she needed to know what that meant for after.

Date: 2006-06-07 05:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cuimhnigh.livejournal.com
Keelia took her silence for an answer in the negative.

"Devin's Sidhe. Leanan Sidhe at that." Keelia searched her face for comprehension. "Or, well, half-Leanan Sidhe, but that half is more than enough."

Date: 2006-06-07 06:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/
She shook her head, not really understanding. There was a touch of familiar in it, but nothing that really stayed.

"...Leanan Sidhe?"

Her voice dropped quieter.

"Why does he think he hurt me?"

Date: 2006-06-07 06:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cuimhnigh.livejournal.com
Keelia was going to smack him silly next time she saw him.

"Leanan Sidhe...they're not something found in other cultures, but they have their equivalents, I guess? They're something of a cross between the Greek muses and incubi." She gave a tiny shrug, the girl who'd gotten used to her lover's world, who remembered it now from before. "They're drawn to creativity, to passion, to craving and desire. It's what sustains them. Gives them life. Like...vampires need blood? They need that passion." She was watching Fred carefully. "Devin...gets a lot of what he needs from his music, from his audiences. But it's not enough. He needs more."

Date: 2006-06-07 06:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/
The color traveled high up Fred's cheeks, as she started to understand. All the dozens of things in that room...rooms, and there was that constant thread of need that had never stopped humming, and had never gone away. She admitted to herself then that she'd actually tried.

"And I was that day's more," she followed Keelia's lead. By choice, Fred knew that too. She;d walked into that room, and she could have walked out of it, instead of being carried, if that was what she had chosen. But she hadn't. This was the part where she faced that down.

"He didn't hurt me," she repeated softly, wishing he could hear. Maybe he could. Who knew what else -- maybe he could. "I just slept for a little while.

Date: 2006-06-07 06:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cuimhnigh.livejournal.com
Keelia nodded, smiled a little. "That's what Fergus tried to tell him, but he was so worried...Fergus said he was freaking out. He left you here to get back to him and calm him down."

The little while made her sigh, push her hair back. "More like you slept for almost three days..It's Tuesday."

Date: 2006-06-07 06:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/
There was the color again, at words like 'worried', and 'calm', and Fred briefly wondered if it would help for her to tell him herself that she was all right. Maybe....

"Three days?"

Was that her voice? It didn't sound right at all.

"...three days?"

Fred stood up and started to move to the door only to realize she didn't have anything to cover her other than the blankets she was wrapped up in. The sight of so much of her own skin had her shaking, but she still kept moving towards the door. If it'd been that long, they must -- what would they be thinking?

...she was the one without a single vow to be bound by. So why did Fred suddenly feel like she'd broken every single one of them.

Date: 2006-06-07 06:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cuimhnigh.livejournal.com
"Fuck." She'd picked up bad habits from the boys, including language they should be watching with Noah around. "Fred..." She hurried after her, catching her in the living room.

"Clothes? We're about the same size. You can borrow something of mine." But she was just babbling, because she knew what she'd be freaking out about if she was her.

She caught Fred's hand, stopping her. "It's okay. I told Wesley and Methos you were here. Said I had a female problem and I really needed a girlfriend here and Alisha's all fluttering about her engagement and useless for anything other than picking out chiffon and that you'd offered to stay with me." Lord knew what they thought was wrong with her. "They know you're all right and are here with me and that's it, okay? They don't know any of the rest and no one's going to tell them a thing."

She brushed the other girl's hair back, looking concerned. "So you have time. Take a bath, freshen up. There's towels in the bathroom. I'll get you some clothes, and call Devin and let him know you're awake and fine. You should probably eat something. Go home with everything as normal as possible and you calmed down and with a chance to think it through."

Date: 2006-06-07 03:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/
Fred stopped at the sound of her friend's voice, not turning, but not pulling away from her hand. Her head dropped for a moment, and she could feel her chin touch her chest. Part of the results, more than the actual movement it took to get there.

That wasn't the case with the ret of it. Now that she was awake, Fred could remember every inch of the 'getting there'.


"Alisha's getting married?"

That wasn't the right quiestion. It was a nice one, but it wasn't the right one. Things still weren't firing in the right order.

She was supposed to go home and be normal? How was she supposed to be normal when they all still hadn't worked out exactly what normal looked like for them yet? It wasn't a bad thing, some days it was a wonderful thing, tinged with new. But she was still working out the little routines that came with living with someone, with them. The little ways and routines that were supposed to make up the'normal' of the day. How was she supposed to be normal, when it hadn't even be defined yet. And when what little had, had been upended in the past month decisions she'd come to take full credit for. She didn't have normal yet.

"...a chance to think it through?"

She was getting her voice back, finally finding Keelia's key words. "Think it through?" She'd taken a certain trust, and she'd shattered it. It might be small, and it might not be the same, but she'd broken it all the time.

So now they were protecting her? Someone had...Fergus, she'd said Fergus. He'd wrapped her up, they'd brought her here, and now a lie or two got told and now she was protected from herself, and what she'd done? Did that make it go away, just like that?

As much as Fred suddenly, desperately just wanted to be home, she didn't want it to go away either. She didn't.

Some of the panic was back in her voice.

"Just what exactly am I supposed to think through>?"

Date: 2006-06-07 03:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cuimhnigh.livejournal.com
"How you want to deal with this," Keelia said quietly. "We just...bought you time and space to figure out what you want to do. How you want to explain where you've been to them, so they wouldn't worry while you were sleeping. The rest is up to you, but, speaking from experience here?" And there was a slight flush and a dropping of her eyes at that, before she managed to look back up at her. "You want to calm down, and be sure. You need to breathe."

Date: 2006-06-07 03:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/
"I didn't even leave a note when I left," Fred admitted suddenly, her throat dry. "I just grabbed...and left? I never expected to be gone long at all."

How was is possible to be so angry at yourself, and not, all at once. It felt like she was dancing the edge, and she wasn't sure which side she'd come down on. She tried to picture their faces when they told them, and Fred had to close her eyes.

It was as different as night and day, that's what it was. Fred decided she lived with night and day.


"...experince?" Fred was a little too hopeful, and selfish, latching onto that. She shouldn't be wishing this confusion onto anyone else.

Date: 2006-06-07 03:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cuimhnigh.livejournal.com
Keelia flushed a little, or well really, a lot. "Sam." As if that summed everything up. It did, in her head and her cheeks heated more, remembering.

"I wasn't really with them the first time, though Midir still..." Flailed and freaked. "The second, I hadn't..." She was nibbling on her lip. "It was...after. After last summer." Two days from now, but now was NOT the time to think about that and she couldn't remember if she'd even told Fred, ever.

"I didn't want to be touched, after it happened. Only there Sam was, and he was hurting so badly and he needed...and I needed...and I went to him." She shrugged a little. "I never told Midir and Michael about that time."

Date: 2006-06-07 03:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/
"...Sam?"

The idea of it startled Fred. Maybe because she'd never really seen Keelia and Sam close enough together for a long enough stretch of time to see if that sort of thing was there. And Keelia who was always so calm, and composed, and had managed to say the right thing to Fred each and every time she'd gotten up enough of what needs to be got, to ask her questions. Never deciding anything, just offering what she could.

Sam...

Part fo what made Fred's insides hurt so, too. She'd never forget just past the confusion of her first few weeks, their confusion and hurt. What had been in the air between Wesley, Methos and Sad. And sure enough they'd done their best to explain that away, the diffrences, then too. But she could still picture their faces. Is that what she'd brought back to them?

Her face shot up again at a few words there, about not wanting to be touched, words like 'after', and she studied Keelia quietly. Not quite brave enought to talk about that yet, because what if it was imagined. What if she was imposing her own recently traveled memories?


"Midir still?"

Her voice was soft.

Date: 2006-06-07 04:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cuimhnigh.livejournal.com
Keelia gave her a semi-blushing, semi-amused look. "Yes. Sam. He used to...before Surreal..be. Not so..." She shrugged a little. "He had a lot of lovers. He wasn't monogamous. Lu didn't mind."

She remembered confessing after the first time, pained, to her friend. She'd slept with her boyfriend and the fact that he seemed to get around didn't mean...and Lu almost laughing, then holding her and telling her it was fine. The second Gwydyr probably knew about, since it had been at his home, but few others.

...it had been at Gwydyr's home...that alone was rather...shaking. She'd never realized it before. The same place...Wow. Okay. Not same room, but still.

"And he's Sam." Again. blushing, because he was Sam and even with Surreal and Midir and Michael she was fairly sure if he needed her that way, she'd be there. It was there in her flush, in her eyes.

She pushed her hair back, sighed. "Midir's...possessive. Even when I told him...when I said we couldn't be together. He almost hurt Michael the first time they met, in his jealousy, and he was convinced Sam was trying to take me away from him."

Date: 2006-06-07 04:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/
"Sam," Fred repeated it quietly, trying to picture it in her head. Then she flushed. She shouldn't be trying to picture anything, especially since pictures came just a little too easily at the moment. Much too easily, actually.

But Keelia's words about Midir hit much too close to home, and Fred found a nearby wall to sag against. Months of small conversations with Keelia, bright afternoons, and building understanding between them left Fred asking her the question she was afraid she couldn't ask anyone else.

"I spent all these months trying to convince him that he was enough." Her voice hurt, and that just just about one him. It wasn't that she didn't worry about Methos, she did. But just about other things.

"How do I tell him what I did?"

Date: 2006-06-07 04:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cuimhnigh.livejournal.com
Keelia looked at her steadily. "Why do you want to tell him?"

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/ - Date: 2006-06-07 04:38 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] cuimhnigh.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-07 04:41 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/ - Date: 2006-06-07 04:49 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] cuimhnigh.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-07 04:53 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/ - Date: 2006-06-07 05:01 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] cuimhnigh.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-07 05:07 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/ - Date: 2006-06-07 05:23 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] cuimhnigh.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-07 05:32 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/ - Date: 2006-06-07 05:36 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] cuimhnigh.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-07 05:39 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/ - Date: 2006-06-07 05:41 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] cuimhnigh.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-07 06:06 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] oldestbeloved.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-07 06:27 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] cuimhnigh.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-07 06:31 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] oldestbeloved.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-07 08:18 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] cuimhnigh.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-07 08:27 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] oldestbeloved.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-07 08:42 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] cuimhnigh.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-07 08:57 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] oldestbeloved.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-07 09:02 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] cuimhnigh.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-07 09:16 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/ - Date: 2006-06-08 07:51 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] oldestbeloved.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-08 12:36 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] cuimhnigh.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-08 03:04 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/ - Date: 2006-06-09 02:40 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] oldestbeloved.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-09 03:01 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] cuimhnigh.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-09 03:02 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/ - Date: 2006-06-09 03:13 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] oldestbeloved.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-09 03:21 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] cuimhnigh.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-09 03:31 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/ - Date: 2006-06-09 03:35 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] oldestbeloved.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-09 03:50 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] cuimhnigh.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-09 04:14 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/ - Date: 2006-06-09 11:03 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] oldestbeloved.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-09 01:13 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] cuimhnigh.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-09 02:30 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/ - Date: 2006-06-10 02:31 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] oldestbeloved.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-10 04:48 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/ - Date: 2006-06-10 04:55 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] oldestbeloved.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-10 04:58 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/ - Date: 2006-06-10 05:16 am (UTC) - Expand

For above

Date: 2006-06-07 05:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/
Light peeked into the corners of Fred's eyes, and she sighed a bit at it, trying to shoo it away. When that didn't work, she showed her displeasure at it by turning slowly in the bed to hide her face in the pillow, wishing it would just leave her alone for a while longer. There was something about the dark, and comfort, that lingered that she wasn't sure she was supposed to let go of.

She stretched and curled into a yawn, all while keeping her face hidden. That's when she finally thought. Her first concious one of the day. The pillow was soft, and fresh, and the linens smelled like ones that had been dried on a line, with sun and care. They always smelled different then, she should know. It was how they were growing up.


But they also weren't what she slept with now. There wasn't anything like that at the house, even though she'd been thinking on it more and more lately. It also wasn't what she'd fallen asleep with either...

Fallen asleep.

She'd fallen asleep. She kissed his...him. But not him, not them, and...

Fred forgot all about her argument with the light and sat straight up.

Profile

cuimhinliom: (Default)
Keelia Gallagher / Étáin

January 2010

S M T W T F S
     12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627 282930
31      

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 26th, 2017 12:31 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios