cuimhinliom: (Staring at the sun)
At times, lots of people never tell us what they are really thinking. Who is the one person that you would really like to know what they are thinking (as far as how they feel about you), and why?

Is it cheating to say everyone? Anyone? I mean, the question it just feeling? Or thinking? Because they're different, you know. You can feel something about someone and hate yourself for it because of what you think about them. And I suppose you could think someone is the most wonderful person in the world, and yet not know what to feel about them, or not feel anything, really.

I suppose I'm more interested in what people think, than feel, in regard to me. I know how most of them feel. I know Michael and Midir love me. I know Noah loves me as his mother. I know Sam values my friendship. I know Alisha does, too.

The whole feel question seems to bring up the question of love. "How do you feel about her?" almost indicates a question of friendship or romanticism. Or perhaps I'm just reading too much into it. Perhaps recent events have just made me...question feelings. Their trustworthiness. They seem to change so quickly.

But thinking. Logical, rational assessment of a person's weaknesses, strengths, general character. I'd much rather know that.

Do they look at me and see a weak, fragile girl who needs to be protected? Do they see how far I've come? How far I have left to go? Do they think I complain too much? Am silent too often? Am I giving? Am I a doormat? Am I strong? Can I face them? Can I help fight? Can I walk alone, in my own right, or do they think I'm completely dependent on Michael, Midir, and Sam? Do they think I'm a frightened little girl, or a woman of strength?

It's so hard sometimes, being what I am, where I am. Just a girl. Nothing...special. Nothing to make me stand out. I walk with aliens and fairy princes and archetypes made flesh and mutants and other beings of immense power. Death herself has lent me aid, as has Pestilence. Yes, them. I've danced with demons and had tea with gods. I know a Warlord Prince who's power makes the room sing, and the beautiful Queen he's sworn his life to.

These are my family. My friends. Even my human friends are demon hunters and seers and witches and Immortals and...sometimes I just wonder.

What do these people see? These powerful, beautiful people?

I don't have any special powers. Whatever knowledge of magic the Sidhe carry is locked away so tight in my memories--in Etain's memories--that I can't access it. I can't even make a pencil move, let alone create light or heal with a touch. I don't make worlds and I don't do a very good job of protecting them, or myself. I'm not a scientist or a doctor. I'm just an English teacher with a good mind for literary analysis and I see patterns where sometimes others don't. I can dance, but even that's just hobby and what use is it to anyone?

It's not...this isn't something I suppose I sit around going "Oh, poor me" about, and that's not at all what I'm trying to say here.

See, I know I'm loved. I know I'm valued. I have a family--a wonderful, gifted, magical family that I would do anything for and they've proven they'd do anything for me.

And it's not that I have low self esteem or need other people to build me up. I mean, yeah, growing up as the "crazy" one who made up impossible stories about being a fairy princess and screamed when her nightmares about the wicked queen were too real...okay. That gets to you. You always think that everyone thinks you're crazy. Hell. YOU start to think you're crazy, and you bottle it all up.

But that's not the case any more. The people I love--even my parents--they all know I'm not crazy. It was real. It is real. Just...gods, just look at Midir. He's real. And so is she, and I didn't imagine it all.

But even that's not one of those things where I think people must not like me or whatever. You all have proven that untrue time and time again.

It's just...beyond that...beyond...I don't know.

So many powerful people all around me and it humbles me and I just wonder...why me? How did I get here? And what do they all think about it?

From Wes

Feb. 21st, 2006 11:19 am
cuimhinliom: (what if it was paradise?)
Love by ruby mae
Your name
Your partner
You two areMeant for eachother
Your meeting was byChoice
They are yourStrength
You are theirShining star
Your love willBe unconditional
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Love by ruby mae
Your name
Your partner
You two areInseperable
Your meeting was byLuck
They are yourSoulmate
You are theirSweetheart
Your love willNever end
Quiz created with MemeGen!

And...interesting variation:

Love by ruby mae
Your name
Your partner
You two areSoulmates
Your meeting was byFate
They are yourShoulder to cry on
You are theirSweetheart
Your love willStay alive
Quiz created with MemeGen!
cuimhinliom: (dreamy and soft)
Keelia curled up on the bed, watching the sleeping bundle in the middle of it. She'd told one of the buzzing majordomos they needed a crib from the nursery, but until then, this would work.

She couldn't bear to just leave Kaylan in the nursery. She'd have to when she went to work, but while she was home she would keep the baby with her, same as Noah. She'd left him in his bed in the other room, but he'd sleepily gotten up and padded in and climbed up on the bed with them, watching the baby until he fell back asleep.

Keelia stroked Kaylan's back, listening to her little baby sounds. They were lulling, and she found herself drifting off to the soft sounds of the children's breathing, a little smile on her face.


Feb. 3rd, 2006 10:35 am
cuimhinliom: (OOC)
Not that we've been overly active with RP lately given the move and new job, but just wanted to toss up a post to let folks know we're out of town 'til Monday in Vegas. No access at resort--or highly, highly limited if there is a business center. And I doubt we'll be hanging out in the business center. *wry* So, if there are posts that need any of my pup's attention, leave me a note somewhere and I'll get to them when I get back. Thanks.
cuimhinliom: (Sad by rawumber)

All one in the same,
Yet completely different.
The heart loves,
The mind remembers,
The body lives,
The spirit hurts.
And yet when love, memories and the body dies; the spirit continues to live on...and carries with it forever what the other three had.
We have no control over any of these things, the heart loves who and what it chooses to love, regardless of what the mind and body tell it. The mind remembers even when we want to forget, and forgets when we want it to remember. The body dies when we wish to live on or it may hang on when we wish to die. And the spirit well it still goes on and on, even when memories seemed to have faded; the spirit continues in an endless pattern of loveing, remembering, living, dying and hurting. It does so, regardless, of anything.**

(**OOC: Sent by Tess through the Enchanted Realms After Hours Yahoo Group. Just wanted to share. It seemed fitting for Keelia.)
cuimhinliom: (Default)
Happy Birthday, Cordelia!! I hope it's a wonderful one.
cuimhinliom: (Moonstruck)
Midir seems to have found a new friend.

And Michael has Kyle.


And the one person I actually was...actually know. Whatever, with. She's gone for a while.

This is fun.

If anyone wants me, I'll be with Noah.

[ooc: warning--link contains NC-17 material]
cuimhinliom: (Default)

In the year I resolve to:

Stop dating musicians.

Get your resolution here

*giggling too hard to type*
cuimhinliom: (Keelia and Riana)
Excuse me while I nearly hurt myself laughing. You have got to be kidding? What does Karma mean to me?

It means a misunderstanding, not having all the information, falling in love with the wrong person who turned out to be the absolute right person, and being cursed for all eternity for that love. Because turns out he's married to a vindictive bitch who doesn't want him but doesn't want anyone else to have him.

But in the balance of karma, she's the wronged party and I'm left to suffer again and again. It doesn't matter how many lifetimes, or if I walk away from him or love him. She comes after me and inevitably she wins.

Karma? Shouldn't karma rebound on her? I mean, cursing someone for eternity is pretty bad on the whole karmic scale. So against the "an it harms none..." idea and loving your enemies and every other "good" thing preached. But nope, she wins, and I die because a Sidhe girl, a child really, fell in love over 2000 years ago.

Karma? Is a deceitful bitch.
cuimhinliom: (Almost kissing Michael)
Michael is not the father of Maria's baby.
cuimhinliom: (Beautiful Dreamer - present)
Dear Kee,

You're not going to believe this is really coming from me. Why would you when they've programmed you not to believe anything? Why believe me when no one believes you? Don't try to think about that too hard. But why should we start believing ourselves?

It's hard, never being believed. They tell you it's all in your imagination and a letter from your future self certainly falls into the realm of the fantastical. But it's real.

And he's real. They're not just dreams. They're memories. The good and the bad all mixed together. He's there. He's waiting for you. Waiting to hold you again. Loving you. But she's there, too, and you need to be aware of that.

The hatred in the dreams is as real as the love and it's up to you to decide what it's worth to you. What he's worth.

The risk. The danger. She'll hurt you, more than once. But you know this time. You've known all along, from the first time you saw him in the castle. You knew when the music played, when you danced. You're his. Running from him won't do any good. If you don't want him, make that choice from want.

But I know you. You want him.

There are challenges, but if you love him as I know you do...then it's worth it. Love him. Let him love you.

It will all be all right.

And keep your mind and heart open. You're going to shock Mom with some of your choices, but there's one that's coming that will be the best you ever made, even if it does scandalize everyone you know.

You'll know when it comes. And life will never be the same.

cuimhinliom: (Keelia cat)
It had been a long day at school. Pre-holiday, end-of-the-semester conferences were always challenging. They'd started the past Monday and were scheduled to run through until the next Tuesday. After checking on Noah and promising him she'd be back after her workout, Keelia changed and headed down to the dance studio.

She stretched and warmed up at the barre, then started her center work. It was during a particularly challenging jump combination that things seemed to falter and grow odd. She landed far harder than she meant to, and seemed to be on her hands and knees.

Only it didn't feel like her knees.

She blinked, looking down.

She had paws.

Her immediate reaction was one of absolute terror.

Not again, not again, not again, not again... It spiraled around in her head. She should never have let Fuamnach out. Never ever. Her eyes darted around the room in search of predators she was sure were there. All she saw was herself. In the mirror. Only not her and not Etain and...she backed up slowly. So did the kitten in the mirror.

She whimpered a little, which sounded like a pathetic little meow.

When her tail hit the back wall she jumped, turning, then again, terrified to have her back to anything. The corner was safe, nothing could sneak up on her there. But it could come right at her.

There, then. Under the music cabinet. The music cabinet would be safe. They wouldn't find her there when they came, and she was sure they'd come.

She scampered across the dancefloor and flattened herself on the ground scooting under the cabinet. She cried softly, little meows, mildly panicked, as she huddled there and waited for whatever came next in Fuamnach's plan for revenge.
cuimhinliom: (I'm not that girl)
It was at least an hour before the sun would be up. Kathleen stood shivering in her cape, down where the boats were docked. A few boatmen were out, getting ready for the morning trade. They looked oddly at the well-dressed miss. One or two called out rude comments that she ducked her head and pretended not to hear.

She shouldn't be here. She was supposed to be married in ten hours to Lord Kearney. Her father had been so pleased when she'd accepted the man; her mother had been so proud. And now she was risking it all, for what? A golden haired stranger with emerald eyes who'd swept her into a waltz at the stroke of midnight the night before?

He was handsome, aye, and his voice sang with the music of home rather than the harsh English notes that surrounded her in a ballroom in London. His eyes spoke of forests and secrets buried in them. All day the thought of him had haunted her, until she'd slipped away, midafternoon when she was supposed to be napping, to meet him in the park in the center of the square. He'd kissed her and spoke of destiny and love and souls in a way that no man ever had. Her fiance was far more staid. A good man. Solid. A powerful leader in Parliament.

But he had none of the romance that thrilled a young girl's heart.

She shouldn't be here, clutching a note in her gloved hand. What sort of girl eloped on the eve of her wedding with another man? But she couldn't make her feet turn around and go back home as they should.

She shivered again as the cold morning wind whipped her cape around her. There were footsteps and she turned, smiling, expecting her lover. It was another woman though, hair black and eyes the color of amethysts, a color no one's eyes should be. She gave the woman a nervous smile and moved to step out of her way, but the woman grabbed her, eyes glittering strangely, spinning her, pressing in close and hissing in her ear, "Whore. Did you think it would be so easy to take him from me?"

Pain ripped through her as a dagger slid across her throat. She fell to the ground, the world going dark, as the clock across the water chimed four times.


cuimhinliom: (Default)
Keelia Gallagher / Étáin

January 2010

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